I had an epiphany today. I think because I am embarking on a great change within, and it is becoming more evident to me as I am moving through life’s offerings, that I had this epiphany. This epiphany I have had, is both trivial and substantial, that it is enhancing my thoughts, emotions, and intellect.
It all began with the last couple of arguments I had with my husband, whom I was sure no longer loved me, but was simply in denial. He had no more affection for me, nor did he seem to enjoy my thoughts or motives for what I usually say or do. I accused him of having an affair so many times, it’s embarrassing to me at this point. Yet, something was lacking terribly in our marriage: it seemed the romance had gone out of it, and there was no other similar interests.
So, because of this, I had been analyzing myself very deeply. I had been observing everything I would say, everything I would do, and in my mind I asked: why did you say that? or why did you do that? or do you think maybe what you just said (or did) might be the reason for that kind of response he gave you?
In educational terms its a part of the strategies we teach students to activate: metacognitive strategies, hence, the journal, narratives about oneself… etc.
Anyway, then I went about on a discussion of the matter, to myself, of course. So this epiphany, let me get back to that. I have long put away the aspiration to leave, as I am much too old now. And for a while there, I was becoming despondent, and felt like I would not live very much longer.
But curiously, I seemed to be falling into love with my husband more and more (but I will come to that in a bit; there is a reason for it, I am quite sure now).
About my husband’s and my issues, is not this conversation, but the epiphany that was brought about due to my distress, is. If I may make an aside here, distress or desperation sometimes are the godsend for an epiphany, that will actually help get you out of a rut. And so it was for me, though it may sometimes be very painful, I became elevated by the epiphany, which made it all worth the pain.
Henceforth, I began to wonder about our relationship, especially wondering if all relationships go through a period, after having been married for so long, that the spouses just stop loving each other, or just love differently. They still feel the lustful feelings occasionally, (mostly from seeing other people who are desirable to look at). But they have been through so much together, that they feel bonded beyond the norm, such as a friendship, or a parent. Marriage has its own bonding type, and it is very strong–by the longer spouses are married, and by the more obstacles over which they have succeeded.
But what really made me think about all this, is the fact that, many people I know who have been married for many years, fall into one of two categories: one, they live separate lives, in which case one may thrive, the other may die, or they may both thrive, having other interests–including affairs; or they may both be miserable and die younger. Two, they may be separate for a long while, having many things happen to each in their own sphere, similarly to camp one (affairs, ills, etc.), but then, they come to value each other more deeply and become very close whether they are romantically involved or not, and remain together for the rest of their lives. I have been told many times that I am very observant; I thank my observatory persona for this assessment.
I believe my husband and I are from the second camp. All the separate experiences we’ve had, has created in us a higher appreciation for each other, even if I do make stupid accusations; he’s made them with me also. But bottom line, we are seemingly coming back together and closer than the past.
My heart goes out to those who are in camp one… as I thought I was in that one, and may have very well remained there, were it not for this epiphany. I have met so many who have been in that group. Most of the times, the women die off young: sad, depressed, emotionally vacant, then ill, then death. Or if it is the man, it would be because the woman has found herself having been left to herself, and has evolved as an independent, having a wonderful time with others, and now it is he who is left out: sad, depressed, emotionally vacant, then ill, then death.
I was heading that way, when this epiphany came. Now I am learning to cope with our differences, making ways for me to find other interests aside from venturing out and doing stupid things, like affairs and such.
I have come to accept those things I used to complain about, in my husband. He is who he is, and I have come to respect who he is, AS he is. Where I complained of his weaknesses, I have learned to strengthen my own in those areas, so that I can keep myself company in such areas. His strong points are still strong points, and so I am able to focus on those points, which makes me look at him more positively. In that small change, I have begun to love him more, and this has changed me for the better: I am less sad and depressed, I am becoming emotionally independent, I am less ill, and I feel I may just live a long time, after all. Thanks to mind blowing epiphanies. I hope to have more, about which to write.