People say, “you still thinking about that dog?” How insensitive. But I understand, perhaps …
Some people have never lost a daughter to schitzophrenia and bipolar and hallucinations that i am some kind of monster, and to make it worse, she’s married to a man who advocates this, and keeps her dillusions alive, for his control.
In my sorrow, I replaced my emotional loss with a loving little 3mo old tiny Yorkie pet, who at the time, fit into my hand. He was a sickly little fellow, and oh so tiny. They told me he would never get more than 4 lbs.
I made him as healthy as I could. He lived for 12 years, was 6 lbs, and of course began to show signs of what I was told may happen: he had a prolapsed trachea, common in those types of breeds. In other words, he was suffocating to death.
I know he longed to stay with me. I could tell by the looks he gave me while trying to breathe. He could no longer sleep lying down, thus, could no longer sleep. Within 3 days, he was standing and stumbling, while I carried him as much as possible, but even that was not comfortable for him.
Yet, still: my daughter remains alienated to me for 15 years now.
Edison could finally not get air, and I had to….I was forced, even by the veternary doctor, to put him down, he was suffering.
When he died it was like I lost my daughter again. But worse: I lost my most treasured friend, who was with me at my business office since he was a tiny shoebox baby. He was evidently tied to that entire time in my life, I did not know it then, and I did not know it even when he died… But I know it now. He was my only connection to the healing of that time… The wound of his departure does not seem to heal, and I cannot–nor will I, forget him…
I still have his partner, I call her, his “wife,” lol! It’s kind of hard to explain. I love her, and I love my two cats, all of my pets: I love them very much. But Edison was the first pet I had afterI lost my daughter, and I gave him the love and care I wished I could give her, and I was rewarded by his very loving loyalty.
I will NEVER forget my little man, Edison… It will be one year in February 10th…I will never forget him, and I pray almost every single day, that God would allow our pets to be in heaven, because I am looking forward to holding him and seeing him again.