That Taboo Issue…

I’ve known too many people who have chosen the road of “suicide.” We say they were selfish, self-indulgent, and there is truth to that. But we might also recognize that being most likely weak at the beginning, they are not equipped to have handled what they determined they could handle (or not.)

So in one of my sad perusements over some people that decided to end it all, I analyzed a bit, then wrote  a poem. This was not today, this was a long time ago. If you read my poetry page, it’s on there. I just want to alert the many people who have thought about it, or are still thinking about it…please do not…

I have never called a suicide hotline when I got that far, nor have I ever taken medication for my depression, and I might add, I’ve been quite depressed at times… Sometimes, it’s better to talk to a stranger at a bar, or an elderly person on a park bench, or someone distant in the family… Suicide prevention people can get burned out sometimes, too…I have to work this ticket also, because I’m there many times, along with you… You are NEVER alone, in ANYTHING!


No one may talk about it, but many people deal with things and never say a word… they learn that everything will pass, everything, and brighter days will come in the interim… It’s all worth it.

Better to let people think you’re insane, and blurt out what you need to know on the communication line, to help you get through what it is you do not know how to get through.

Like help on a phone, many times we hang up on one servicer because they simply do not really know how to serve; or they did not seem to know how to recognize the problem, so we can hang up and then call back, to get someone better to talk to. Well, that is the same thing we have to do in life.


If our parents aren’t that communicative, find someone who is (that’s a “call” for help). But if that person expects any kind of emotional or physical remuneration, hang up! Call back and find someone else to help (a different servicer or person to talk to).

My remedy here may seem simple but life was never meant to be so hard. There are a million and one people out there who really do care; you just have to keep looking until you find one. Sometimes, it takes a whole lifetime of hanging up and calling back, and sometimes we have to keep getting more and more information, so don’t stop with just one call.

And remember: people are all on different wave lengths, meaning they all have different intelligences, or levels of understanding, so you have to consider your source, and find the right one for the right need. So go out and live, and make that call when you have to!!

Christmas thoughts…


© Lydia Nolan


The Little Drummer boy stands ready to play, as the three lords of lands pursue the star,

And the manger is dirty and splattered with dung, yet the Savior is humbly unmarred—

Only a Savior of men and women and children could be so undistracted by triviality

Only a Savior of people who long for truth, purpose, and love so desperately—


Has come to give the Love of God, born into a world of chaos, cruelty and barbarism,

Knowing that his message of love would ignite the hate and send Him to destruction—


Yet God saw that we needed a way out of our own dark paths of hopelessness,

So He gave us His Son to help our journey back into eternal bliss…


 So, I wondered how someone like me, with hateful, angry, or vengeful propensities,

Could find inside me: Love, kindness, a good word, and pursue the possibilities—


Of being like Him: that Love, and if I failed I reckoned God to save me,

And I remember God did! In that dirty, darkened manger—where I was set free—


And that night I slept as the babe, in a manger long ago,

For I was at peace with the Love He gave me, that I could give also,


Merry, Merry, oh, we merry ladies and men!

Christmas has given us the greatest gift of all,


That God, Himself has made a way to touch us;

That God is Love, and Love was born on Christmas.

 lamb_of_god_christian_religious_posters-rf53a0250887549e58866f90334842389_wvg_8byvr_512        images-2          e738bfd81db547889220d626341f93a9

2016, Was it good? Or …


I am struggling with the concept of MOTIVATION… what does one need to be motivated?


Is it more years of life? Is it more friends and people? Is it money and fame? Is it sex or romance? No. I think all of these help a bit, but at the core it is something else: it is PURPOSE.


We retire people at the age when they seem a bit slower, softer, not as appealing to look at, and less inclined toward pretentiousness. The dirtiest trick of the human cycle of life is that when one gets old, the other humans treat one like one has no real purpose among the young or beautiful or rapid productiveness…


I am NOT motivated to write, read, do, or feel anything… because I feel purpose-less… I dare anyone to admit this, as well.


If you are over 60, please say “YES” at the posts. Don’t give me reasons why I shouldn’t feel that way. There is plenty of schmoozing and affirmations on Face Book. I have plenty of my own as well.


Give me the truth about WHY getting older is the toughest thing you have ever done so far, so that those who are younger may know what’s coming… perhaps they can change it.


I have experienced the most unfamiliar pains, aches, and imbalances, the most odd changes in my body and it unnerves me because I know that means I am unable to be or do what it was I was being or doing when I was a twenty-five year old, a thirty-five year old, a forty-five year old, and even a fifty-five year old…


We supposedly have laws about discriminating against OLDER citizens, and when one gets a job as an older person, one is given those papers to fill out that says, “oh no, we will not discriminate against older folks, it’s the law…” and so on and so forth. However, knowing that older persons are slower, less capable of seeing well, have response time slowing, this is not allowed for in older people. If older folks cannot remain as quick and carefree as the young, they will certainly fall out of line.


What I propose is that older people be given truer rights, not in this rhetoric of non-discrimination given to cover the ASSETS of those in charge, but in actual helps. There is still much to be given that older people have to offer, it just comes in slower response rates, or less heavily driven piece-work capability. Wouldn’t it be great if the younger world in this country REALLY DID RESPECT THEIR ELDERS?



What makes a man or a woman become…mature? And is there any such thing as spiritual maturity? We hardly think in those terms these days.

How does a child become a woman, or become a man? Are we talking about a physical appearance: years of living? Height? Having a job, career, or profession? Getting married? Having a family? All of those things are are merely symptoms of becoming a man or woman, but what makes a woman or a man become a woman or a man?

When I was a young girl, my parents may have shared with me how to “grow up” and be a decent woman, but what does that mean to a child? How does a young child, or teen-ager, or even a young adult understand the concept of “putting away childish things, and becoming a ‘grown-up’ man or woman?” I will give you a hint: it has to do with changes in one’s life, apart from being the child one is, and having the ability to realize the comparison to what a parent taught, and what the child is experiencing.

Suddenly, a choice is at hand, and it’s up to that “child” to make decisions. But that alone isn’t enough. That ‘child,’ becoming, has to experience the consequences of the decisions made, otherwise she or he has missed a “learning” that would lead one closer to maturity.I remember an experience and a choice I had once.

The first choice I remember having was a response I made to a traumatic experience with a babysitter who held my hands under a faucet and burned them. Her two twin sons also abused me. My mother could not understand why I screamed and begged and cried when she took me to be cared for by this woman, as my mother had to work.

I was only two years old, but I was trying to make a stand here, and I had consequences for my choosing: I was there only two days, and my mother–God bless her–decided to stop taking me to that woman. So my response reaped good consequences. I don’t know if it reaped good consequences for my mother, as I do not remember from that point where I went, but since I don’t have a memory of it, I assume it was pleasant enough. So I learned something that day, but it would take more than once for me to compare, analyze and make sense of it. I was two years old, for goodness sakes.

If you have ever considered the choices or responses you  made in all sorts of situations and circumstances: being abused, running away, stealing, having friends that were cruel, being cruel yourself! Even having children, marriage, taking a certain job, going out with various groups of people, studying for a test or copying someone else’s… all these things have built-in choices to which we are prone to respond and act accordingly. All these things have consequences. Maybe you haven’t grown mature enough to recognize them, but they do have consequences.

Some people especially, have to have major life-changing consequences for them to recognize the choices that brought these people to that point. Sometimes, it’s not even your choice but someone else’s and it affects your life. NOW, you have a choice. If bitterness or resentment or un-forgiveness has been your response for a choice, you haven’t yet understood the consequences are directly related to your choices. So now, everything that happens afterward are colored by the choice of perception you made by that traumatic event. That is to say, that even the worst consequences that seem like you had nothing to do with, are somehow tied to your responses, and if you think not, then they are tied to your perceptions now.

If you cannot believe me here, maybe you’ve got some more maturity to get to, before believing me. I know there is a lot more growth I have to do too, but I’ve done some and acquired maturity just from the major consequences I’ve experienced through my choices and decisions in certain things. Some of them will never get better because I was immature at the time, to make the right choices. I’ve learned a lot from my mistakes, is that easier to comprehend?

Why else do you think Jesus said, when he was being abused, tortured, and slowly killed: “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”  It is obvious he knew those who had fear in their hearts, so much so that they would make irrational choices and decisions.  He knew the hearts and minds of those who made authoritative and created ways to silence people they feared. Jesus knew they did not have the spiritual maturity to understand their own fears and hatreds … today we might call it racism, bigotry, or something like that, but even those like that should be understood and given empathy and compassion.

Why else do you think that Jesus came. He also knew humans are reflective and create recordation of their history, their feats, and even their failures. Sooner or later, we’d all get it. Now that’s the kind of maturity I want–that’s the only kind that will make this a better world. I think the whole purpose for this kind of maturity is to teach us empathy and compassion so that we can have that same kind of empathy and compassion Jesus displayed while being brutally murdered by by frightened, self-aggrandizing immature souls.

FATHER, forgive us… we sometimes don’t realize what we’re doing.