To Thine Own Character Be True

Who am I kidding … Me … I’m kidding me … .

I have thought a lot, about a handful of events in my life, within the past few years… 7 to 15 years, to be exact. Something I have learned from those events: how little I have allowed myself the honesty of being authentic, and also, how much self-torment and self-delusion I doled out to me for some unknown reason. Having been told many times that I am hard on myself, and I have been that many times, I look back realizing that I had worn it like a badge of honor. Now, I see, it has been more like a bulls’ eye for the target practice of others. There is no one to blame, but myself, for whom could I have trusted more than myself, to protect me? Unfortunately for myself, I was not there to protect me, because of a character flaw.

I am not quite sure how it happened, but it began unfolding to my conscience only recently, like a dim light growing stronger as the door opened wider. How little regard I have had throughout my life…for me. I had a certain knack in the way of carrying the burdens of others—whether they knew it or not—and secretly I think I hoped that exercise would bring me love, or…no; attention, is more likely. One might define that as a Martyr; I would rather define it as a starving soul. But I was a coward about it.

In truth, I have gone desperately looking for an angel to protect me through life, because of my own cowardice—because I never had the confidence to believe I could take care of myself, and there are reasons for that, but that’s another chapter.

I recognized what I perceived to be cowardly in others through my own observations, using the measuring stick of my own interpretations, which I received by those I loved most and wished to please; but, never recognized it in myself, until only recently, as I say. Which brings me to my true topic: Cowardice.

The first time I thought about this characteristic was as a young girl, reading the Bible. There is a chapter, of which  the Apostle Paul made a list, of characteristics in people that will keep them from “the Kingdom of God.” You may interpret that however you wish, but as a young girl, I interpreted that as not being able to go to Heaven when I died, if I coddled any of these characteristics. I won’t go into everyone of them, for each have a place in the proper focus, but for now, this is only about cowardice. That characteristic was listed along with murder, infidelity, fornication, homosexuality, lying, cheating, envy, and so forth. Before you start screaming at me about being homophobic, or non-compassionate to murderers, or a “goodie two shoes” about sex, I just want to talk about something that affects my personal sense of value, because I always thought low of such a person with this trait: cowardice. I’m not discussing anything else. Anyway, I was taken back, wondering: why would being a coward be so serious an offense? Included with … murder? I realize the real reason I was astonished at the inclusion, was that there may have been a hint to me, somewhere in my young life, that I may be harboring such a characteristic.

For some reason, when thinking about the word, coward, I imagined this frail-looking person, scrounging around for crumbs, hovering in a corner, biting his or her nails, wide-eyed and sweating profusely. But that isn’t cowardly at all, that is merely a symptom of fear or terror, yet, we know that symptoms come from an origin. And I suppose that whole thought process stayed with me many years without my realizing it. I kept labeling people in my mind, whose behavior I counted as petty, frail, easily misled, non-confrontational. I was on the right track, but not completely. Now that I am older, I understand a lot more about why these examples began playing in my mind. Trust me, cowardice is deadly, but much more sublime. It could even be disguised, at times, to appear benign, even heroic.

I wanted to be fair before I prattled about what I know in a characteristic. Henceforth, like a true scientist, I use myself as the Guinea Pig.

I looked up a few places and came up with the definition that pleased my intention here:

 

cowardice: a trait wherein fear and excess self-concern override doing or saying what is right, good and of help to others or oneself in a time of need—it is the opposite of courage. As a label, “cowardice” indicates a failure of character in the face of a challenge

 

There are several precise definitions for sublimity, as well:

Sublimity: (n) Something that is sublime. The ultimate degree or perfect example: the sublime of folly. (vb) (tr) to make higher or purer. To change or cause to change directly from a solid to a vapour or gas without first melting: …To undergo or cause to undergo this process followed by a reverse change directly from a vapour to a solid: to sublime iodine onto glass. From Latin sublimis (lofty) perhaps from sub- up to + limen (lintel)

I wanted to exercise my right to an opinion here, therefore, I have created a new concept. To be a Sublime Coward, what is that? Have I made up a new character for a novel? No, I have only observed and labeled a kind of attitude; one’s characteristic which can be damaging to oneself and others. True writers are considered experts in creating characters that make readers want to strangle them, or take great pity on them–depending upon how they survive the outcome of the plot. I suspect a writer may have had a revelation of sublime cowardice in his or her self, and being expert in their craft, they cause their character to exhibit such qualities—if I may call them that—of such a nature.

As I say, I have only recognized this in myself recently. Only a few years ago, this revelation began opening to me like a foliating snapdragon. When such a thing occurs in that manner, it is not recognizable immediately, but is only recognizable when it comes fully to growth, and blinds you with its reality, like a light. Such, was it so, for me.

Now, back to the definition. A Sublime Coward, in general, is one who roars, but never dares to bite, for fear of losing the fight; but the roar masks that truth. There are many different forms of “roaring.” A person of this sort would oftentimes be sarcastic, aloof, even insulting underhanded, or overhanded, and even comical, sometimes, most times at others’ expense. When the proper moment arises, they may even appear courageous in front of an audience, or at the least, a scapegoat. But make no mistake: found alone and unprotected, this kind of personality will say whatever makes things safe for her or himself.

Before I delve deeper, I want to say that the word “judgment” is a big disclaimer these days. It protects, most of all, the sublime coward by putting the spotlight on the one who is attempting to confront an issue with the coward, who does not want to be exposed. Everyone says they don’t wish to be judged, yet everyone judges. Even those who say they don’t want to be judged, judge by the very fact that they either recoil, or approach, toward or away from, a relationship of any kind, but never confronting an issue, just pretending they are blind to it. This is a cowardly act, is it not?

Therefore, to be safe, most people send out their own self-defacing judgments, thereby eliminating the option for others to judge them. So, it is my suggestion that what I say here, is to me only, to spare any cowards of criticism that I am speaking to them—whomever them may be. A reader may beware, in the privacy of their own mind, to take every word I write with a grain of salt.

It is my decision, therefore, that I create this blog in a self-analysis, or self-psychological format, turned genre. Therefore, anyone reading may merely read and forget or use as they see fit. I happen to believe in acute observations to hone my craft, and these rants of mine serve to better my character as well. Stay tuned, for more picking at the parts of a writer’s craft.

Henceforth, you will notice in my e-blogs, that I peruse quite a bit, without too much citation. That will come whenever I manage a book about my perusal. Here, suffice to say, I am merely pointing out in general, and making a judgment call, at a moment’s notice.

Cowards—especially Sublime Cowards—are to be pitied, yes, but more to the truth, they are to be carefully approached, not given too much information about oneself or others, and kept an arm’s distance away, for they can be deadly, if it is a fall between you and they—the sublime coward will be sure to make it you.

There is one thing more. Be hopeful that the Sublime Coward, has another quality, innate in she or he: compassion. Because, if there is a hidden quality of compassion, eventually they will see their own folly and hopefully rectify it. What a character.

 

 

 

 

Glutton for Ginseng, Gab & Galleries

Glutton = [Glut·n]

 noun

1. a person who eats and drinks excessively or voraciously.

2. a person with a remarkably great desire or capacity for something: a glutton for work; a glutton forpunishment.

 

gin·seng = [jin-seng]

noun

1. any of several plants of the genus Panax,  especially P. pseudoginseng,  of eastern Asia, or P.qinquefolius,  of North America, having an aromatic root used medicinally.
2. the root itself.
3. a preparation made from it.

gab  [gab]

 verb (used without object), gabbed, gab·bing.

1 to talk or chat idly; chatter. (noun)

2. idle talk; chatter.

 

gal·ler·y [gal-uh-ree, gal-ree]

noun, plural gal·ler·ies.

1. a raised area, often having a stepped or sloping floor, in a theater, church, or other public buildingto accommodate spectators, exhibits, etc.

2. the uppermost of such areas in a theater, usually containing the cheapest seats.

3. the occupants of such an area in a theater.

4. the general public, especially when regarded as having popular or uncultivated tastes.

5. any group of spectators or observers, as at a golf match, a Congressional session, etc.

 

Here is where we analyze the analist.

Our present society has become vessels for stimulation, notwithstanding the array and voluminous materials flying around each and every one of us. Our society is never full, but ever voratious for new fillings, new sensations, new avenues of labyrinthine trailways to the abyss.

Hence, the gluttons grow. The ginseng is whatever pasifies: drugs, drink, sex, or just the sucking of one’s thumb will do. Perhaps it is visiting Starbucks EVERY morning, noon, and night…and THEN some… Or perhaps it is stalking on the internet, or just plain spending the whole day reading every other person’s visionquest. Then, or course, there are the videos; the movies, the reality pitstops, and every living lacklustre load of…. suggestions you can muster.

Why? Why? We gab and no one listens… we gab and we tell ourselves: aren’t we interesting enough to make others want to listen to a human voice, rather than interact with fictional composities of humankind?

We the People, the Occupants, the Spectators, the Observers of the world…. are in danger.

Yes, in danger of becoming empty vessels. Vessels without any use for other than garbage, because we have drained our own ingredients and poured in “fillers,” just like McDonalds or Jack in the Box, or Panda Express does… unnecessary ingredients to puff it up to look real.

But in fact, the spectator is becoming the fiction, while fiction is becoming the real.

I suggest you turn off the television, and go and read something with real meat/content of value! And don’t just read ANY book, read one that has stood the test of time.. yes, perhaps a classic, but more to the point, one with tons of commentaries on it, that has been written, and been discussed about, since it’s inception. But that is not even the epicenter of my suggestion. After reading, start a discussion about how it made you understand, feel, mad, laugh, whatever! Allow others to be candid and direct as well and as much as you are. THEN, argue a point; one of all of the chips thrown on the table, stimulate a little mind power, watch the juices flow.

We must learn to confront each other, without being cowardly and without being so agreeable, that we manage to have a life theory and philosophy. When one has something to stand for, it’s a courageous look at oneself, and even if another tends to skew your view a bit, it’s all in good mental health, unless of course some of the mean-humans play, then THOSE have to be convinced that that is what they are.

The point is: stop being filled and begin utilizing your OWN ingredients, give and let give, without recourse of remorse. We’re sharing in order to enhance our humanity. Nothing wrong with that. Just don’t use dirty words, ha! It shows one is limited in one’s vocabulary.